


Arthur suffering from nightmares/You comforting him

by ArthurFlecksGirl



Category: Joker (2019)
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Love, Mental Illness, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:27:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ArthurFlecksGirl/pseuds/ArthurFlecksGirl
Summary: The point of view switches from Arthur to you and back again.Arthur is suffering from night terrors and insomnia. Its getting worse when you`re working nightshift, so you get worried about him a lot before you get back home to him, finding him having nightmares again.
Relationships: Arthur Fleck/You
Kudos: 6





	Arthur suffering from nightmares/You comforting him

ARTHUR:  
It`s 3 am and I pace around my apartment since an hour. Maybe more or less. I use to lose my sense of time when this happens. And it happenes a lot. Insomnia is kicking my ass again. Nothing new here. But I`m not used to this kinda horror anymore, since I have found a girlfriend that loves me for who I am. The night terrors got so much better since Y/N was on my side. Having her arms around me while I`m falling asleep feels so peaceful to me. A kinda peace I never knew before. But sometimes, on bad days, it still happens. And it kicks in from out of nowhere. It grabs me with its cold, invisible hands, floathing above my sleeping body like a heavy cloud, filled with terror, ready to pour down on me.  
All those hidden memories come back then. All at once. Memories I didnt even knew I had. Sometimes I´don`t know which ones are real and whih ones are not. They`re all the same. All the same blurr, like the blacked out drawings in my diary. Just scribble and undefined shapes of black. Until my mind loses all control and goes all over the place. Thats when reality becomes something I can`t define anymore. It just slips trough my shaking hands, like water I want to grab. Its dripping through my fingers. You cant hold on to thougts, just like you cant hold the water in your palms. Its just a moment and then their gone. But the feeling of anxiety stays with you like after an earthquake. it leaves you trembling, frozen in your own bed. The place that should be your comfort zone. If you suffer from insomnia and nightmares, its the place you fear the most.  
Y/N was working a night shift today, so I am all by myself at home. I don`t like it. It makes me anxious because it brings back so many memories of the time before I got to know her. After my mum got into the hospital and I was living here all alone. At first it was okay but it got bad. So Y/N met me at a time I was at my worst and she still fell in love with me. I know that she is my one and only person. I will never let her go.   
I grab my journal and a pen. Trying to draw her. The details of her face. But it just turnes out to be doodles. Nevermind. I`m gonna write her a poem. I light a cig and try to think of one. But nothing comes to mind. I took too much sleeping pills half an hour ago to concentrate on words. C`mon Arthu think of something. Just a little rhyme. So you can be proud of yourself in the morning and show her the poem. I blow out the smoke and write some words, just to black them out again. I black out the whole page.   
This is the poem. Not to her but to myself. This is me. I stare at the black and take some red, blue and green pens to fill the small white spaces that are left with my fave colors. Afterwards I paint a big, red mouth all over it. The laugh that comes out of the dark. Its making fun of me.  
I put my diary away and lay down on the bed one more time, trying to imagin Y/N is lying next to me. But I cant. The warmth of her body.... her loving hands on my skin. her sweet kisses. Its all missing. My comfort is missing. I feel my eyes watering as I pull up the blanket up to stop the freezing. 

YOU  
I`m late. Even for working night shift. I always get worried about Arthur being alone at home. I know he got better since we met, but he is still in a very unstable condition. He always tells me that its okay when I cant be home that late but the truth is, that he is suffering. One time I found him overdosed on sleeping pills on the kitchen floor and had to bring him to the doctors. He said he wasnt trying to kill himself, he never would now that he has me by his side. He just wanted to sleep because he couldnt deal with his own thoughts anymore.I belived him and I still do now. But I dont want this to happen ever again. Arthur was having very bad nightmares caused by his childhood trauma. He never really told me what the nightmares were about but i can imagin, thinking of the fact that he was abused by his mothers boyfriend as a three year old. I guess no one who hasnt experienced this kinda horror could ever imagin what a soul must have been through. One more subway station to go until I can finally walk home to him. Hopefully he is alright.

ARTHUR  
I look at the clock. She should be here by now. My legs are starting to bounce under the sleeping blanket. "Please Y/N come home soon" I whisper to myself. I really want to be asleep when she gets home. Otherwise she knows that I was feeling anxious and I dont want her to feel bad about working late. So I take the bottle of pills standing on my night table and swallow another one. Just one more. I dont wanna take an overdose like I did some weeks ago. Y/N found me on the bathroom floor, thinking I wanted to kill myself. I still feel bad for it. I dont want to put her into some kind of situations. She is an angel and I don`t deserve her. But I try my best to be a good boyfriend. I try to make her laugh, writing jokes for her, on good days poems even and I wrote her this song on the ukulele she hasnt heard yet because I still have to figure out that last line. But not today. My mind wouldn`t let me do anything right now. I close my eyes and wait until the last sleeping pill does its duty.I humm a song but it doesnt help. Usually Y/N is singing me lullabies. Oh if only I could hear your sweet voice right now. Please be home,soon.

YOU  
I`m relifed as soon as I turn around the keys and open the door. The lights are out and everything seems like he must be in the bedroom, which is a good sight. He usually paces around the kitchen when an episode is kicking in. My worst fear is him hiding in the fridge. He used to do this sometimes, before we met and I just cant get this image out of my mind. Although I never found him in there by myself. "Artie?" I whisper. No answer, so he must be asleep. I smile, feeling good about this. He needs some sleep. The dark circles around his eyes tell that he doesnt get much of it. I got to the bathroom to wipe my mascara off, as I hear a whimper from the bedroom. Oh no. he`s having nightmares again. I put all my stuff down immediataly and open the leaned on bedroom door very quietly. Arthur is lying all roled up on the corner of the bed, like a lil child.His body shaking from head to toe. Silent whimpers escaping his lips "Please, don`t! I promise I wasn`t crying." he whispers in his sleep. Seeing him like this breaks my heart every time. He looks so lost, almost too tiney to lie around in this double sized bed all alone. I really shoud have been there with him when he was falling asleep. "No. Don`t! I will put on that smile for you. I promise. Just don`t do this again" his whimper a real cry now.  
I lie down next to him, knowing I have to wake him up very carefully. Otherwise his heart would be racing like hell when he wakes. "Shhhtt....shtt...Artie its okay....I am home again." I pet the back of his head. His hair is soaked from sweating so much. I wipe the wet strains from his forehead. "I´mma....I`,mma smile for you" his voice so full of fears. His face expression somewhere between pain and terror. I kiss his cheek "Arthur, sweetheart. You`re dreaming. Wake up." He must have felt this kiss, because the whimpers stop now.  
"Y/N?"he sits up in within a second "Where...what?"   
"You were having nightmares again, sweety. I just came home and .....I am so sorry. I should quit working night shifts. I will have a conversation with my boss, soon. I can`t do this anymore...leaving you alone at night."  
Arthur is hugging me tight "I`m so glad you`re home. No, dont feel sorry. I dont want you to lose your job because of me. I`ll be finne. I promise. I`ll be okay. It was just......" he whipes a tear away "It was just getting so horrible again. I just had a bad day...thats all..." he kisses me on the lips like he was waiting years for me to come home. And I felt the same way about him. I just couldnt get my mind off him while working. I missed the scent of his hair. The way he looked at me.  
"Arthur. I have to make sure that you are alright. And if I have to find another job for making this possible, I will. We can do this, okay?"  
He noods as I hand him a handkerchief for his runny nose.  
I put on some of Arthurs PJs. We like to share clothes a lot and putting on his PJs gives me a feeling of being home.   
"C`mon, Arthur, lets just lie down and cuddle. You should get some sleep. I will make sure the nightmares won`t come back"  
I grab his favourite blanket and we crawl under it. Our bodies enterwined into one another.   
"Do you wanna talk about your nightmares, Artie?"  
"I...I`m not sure, it was...just... stuff from my childhood I barely remember. Being told I should put on a happy face when I was screaming and crying from pain."  
"Your abuser again?"  
He pulled me closer to his sweaty body "Yeah"  
"Oh Artie, I am so, so incredibly sorry that you have to go through this. You know that he can never hurt you EVER again. Right?"  
"I know"  
I caress his belly. "And you know that you can cry in my arms as much as you want to. Everytime you feel like it. Right?"  
"I know Y/N....thank you....so much. I love you more than anything in this world"  
"You dont have to thank me for that, Arthur. Just let the tears roll. I will kiss every single one of them away."  
Arthur pulls me so close to his chest, I can feel his heartbeat. Its still beating fast from the night terrors.   
His tears start to fall like diamonds "Can you sing me a lullaby?"  
"Sure, which one?"  
"Maybe something from Frank Sinatra?" his voice trembling from crying. i`m so glad he can let go. He wasnt able to cry when we met.  
I start to sing as I feel his breathing calming down.  
"L is for the way you look at me  
O is for the only one I see  
V is very, very extraordinary  
E is even more than anyone that you adore "

ARTHUR  
I just let go and CRY. Her arms the home I never had.   
I`m so glad she`s back again. I`m not wholesome without her lips upon my skin.   
She is singing me Sinatra songs while kissing my tears away. So softly. She soakes them up, swallows them down. So they disappear forever.  
I feel my body calming down. So as my mind. No black scribbles anymore. Just a blank page waiting for a poem to make it whole. I am the blank page. She is my poem. My muse.  
I used to smile when I felt like crying. It was tearing me up inside.  
But now I cry, thick, salty tears. Every one of them leaving my body, sets me free.   
The truth is... I am smiling inside, as I drift off into sleep....


End file.
